Thursday, September 21, 2017

Water

   I recently read a story in The New York Times about the efforts of a helicopter pilot in Texas to drive some of the cattle in the state away from areas flooded by Hurricane Harvey. The picture below, showing an animal that was not saved, was one that accompanied the article.
   Not too long ago, I wrote about a picture of another flood scene (in that case, of a cemetery in Oroville, California). So, it would seem that the thought of being overcome by water has some importance for me. And while I'm not aware of being overly fearful of drowning, it's hard to imagine that these images of things submerged have affected me so powerfully without terror being somewhere in the midst of it.
   Although I generally feel saddened by seeing animals of all kinds suffer, it's a bit of a surprise to me that I should feel it so strongly for the huge animal in the picture, as it's size and presumed power are quite frightening to me. I liken it in some ways to the bullies that I feared growing up, but understand now better that all people, however they behave, have the potential to be suffering like me.
   Perhaps I also see in this photograph some of my father, who I idealized as a child to be in possession of great power, even though he readily displayed to me his doubts and insecurities. Maybe the water washing over this animal has captured metaphorically the overwhelming anxiety and fear which seemed to so cripple him later in his life, or the sense I must have had as a young boy that my own feelings were a flood which would destroy me if not contained.
   Although water can feel so wonderful, providing a means for relaxation and cleansing (and for some, purification), it can also overwhelm and suffocate.
   As is sometimes the case in my own life, the very thing that can apparently mend my pain can also cause it.



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